Simple things…in people

Originally posted on waom254's Blog:

Sometimes we come across people in our lives whom we think we can’t live without. But slowly, life happens where you drift apart and you learn new things about them. The sort that make you glad to have drifted. You are somewhat glad that they are no longer part of your life. A mask has been peeled off and the real person is revealed. Sometimes the real person is better than what you perceived (rarely) and at times, you don’t even recognise them. It is at this point that you learn that you don’t know best. God does. And you learn that certain situations, as hard as they may be, actually work towards your benefit. When you realise it, it is a breathtaking relief.

So when the mask is peeled off and there are unresolved issues, do you want the answers or would you rather leave them unresolved? Sometimes, what…

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Look around you…

Look around you: what you have done to society, you have done it first within your soul; one is the image of the other. This dismal wreckage, which is now your world, is the physical form of the treason you committed to your values, to your friends, to your defenders, to your future, to your country, to yourself. | Atlas Shrugged

Simple things…in people

Sometimes we come across people in our lives whom we think we can’t live without. But slowly, life happens where you drift apart and you learn new things about them. The sort that make you glad to have drifted. You are somewhat glad that they are no longer part of your life. A mask has been peeled off and the real person is revealed. Sometimes the real person is better than what you perceived (rarely) and at times, you don’t even recognise them. It is at this point that you learn that you don’t know best. God does. And you learn that certain situations, as hard as they may be, actually work towards your benefit. When you realise it, it is a breathtaking relief.

So when the mask is peeled off and there are unresolved issues, do you want the answers or would you rather leave them unresolved? Sometimes, what you don’t know won’t hurt you but, for how long? There is animosity and you want to fix things but the other party doesn’t. You only want to fix them for the sake of peace of mind in case you cross each others’ path in future. Nothing more. What does the moral sense in your mind say about doing the right thing versus the little pride in you?

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Then, there are people we come across whom we don’t appreciate enough, who did things that we took for granted. They did little things you appreciated but didn’t show it. They gave a good part of themselves but sadly, you didn’t follow your sixth sense. Instead, you went on to fight battles which were not worth the effort. We may have hurt these people in the process and broken their hearts into tiny little pieces. You share so much in common and enjoy their company, laughs, inspiration etc although some things are amiss. You want to fix things but think it might be too late. You try make an effore but with a little fear of overpowering them because of their previous hurt and you realise you might be stuck. New circumstances, bittersweet circumstances come up and wish you could turn back time. What do you do? Run for the hills and let the little chances slip away or embrace every possible moment? If you let it slip, you may never know what could have happened and end up living with regret. At the same time, you might embrace it and things go sour. All we can do is let our conscience do its work whilst taking risks and hope for the best. Don’t run. Be bold and have faith. Go for what you want before it’s too late.

Embrace these people in our lives. They deserve it. Whatever you do, follow your moral conscience, your sixth sense…your heart. Simple moments can be breakthroughs. The time may be now so start now. Don’t fight the world’s forces by creating battles that aren’t yours to fight.

Listen to Lady Karun (fab album!) – Finally ft. Jack Odongo. A beautiful song full of meaning. You can get it on waabeh.com

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To live and let live..

You’re alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act.  – Barbara Hall

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

“As products of the split between man’s soul and body, there are two kinds of teachers of the Morality of Death: the mystics of spirit and the mystics of muscle, whom you call the spiritualists and the materialists, those who believe in consciousness without existence and those who believe in existence without consciousness. Both demand the surrender of your mind, one to their revelations, the other to their reflexes. No matter how loudly they posture in the roles of irreconcilable antagonists, their moral codes are alike, and so are their aims: in matter—the enslavement of man’s body, in spirit—the destruction of his mind.” |

We have forgotten about the boy child

“Help the girl child” is a phrase sang across the globe. The focus is to improve the lives of the girl child whose parents struggle to provide food, shelter and education.

It’s great that there are many programmes focused on the girl child but we seem to have forgotten about the boys. How many NGO’s or websites will you come across on Google that support the boy child? I agree that we should help the girls but we should also help the boys in equal measure. In today’s business world, we have gender equality issues whereby women’s profiles have been raised to that of men. Now, we have gender inequality in life skills where I believe boys are ranking lower. There are so many organisations, fundraisers, support groups, NGO’s etc that are all focused on girls and very very very few on boys. We have women leaders but in reality we have more men, what are we doing to support them from early ages?

Put yourself in the shoes of a struggling mother who gives birth to a boy. Imagine what goes through her head. Yes, she is glad that she is blessed with a baby. But she also thinks about fending for him. It might cross her mind that “if she gave birth to a girl, there is plenty of support out there. Now that it’s a boy, the chances of that happening are slimmer and may grow up to fend for himself in the streets – in criminal activities.” I haven’t checked statistics on abandoned babies, but could it be possible that most of them are boys. Why?

Looking at another perspective of the boy child, how are we as adults (mother, father, uncle, aunt, brother, friend, cousin etc) contributing to their life skills? As mentioned in my earlier post on marriages, men nowadays do not seem to get enough advice on marriage as women do. The same applies to boys who are growing up. What are we teaching them in a society filled with nothing but temptations and the fast lane? What values are we teaching them? It is difficult to teach a man about values and life skills when they are adults so it needs to start when they are as young as possible. Parents have a daunting task and they cannot blame (or praise) anyone but themselves on how their children turn out. How should they be advised yet there is no formula for parenting? That is something between the parents and their God. The greater the culture and values are instilled during the times of growing up, the more difficult it is to get easily distracted later in life. Parents need to spend more time with their children. Let me be more specific, fathers need to spend more time with their sons.

Boys growing up to become men need to be taught on values, principles, culture and the responsibilities that they will have in life as adults. In today’s world, I don’t think this message is passed on with enough emphasis. We are too busy working or getting home late that we hardly have or make enough time for our children. Or we are too focused on teachings about work, business opportunities and money that little is advised on responsibilities as a man and to his woman/family. A lot of time is spent socialising or mixing with the wrong people. The end result is their future behaviour. In some instances we send them to boarding school very young so their growth is based on their surrounding environment – friends and teachers. There is only so much that teachers and matrons can teach our children. How will you influence your child’s growth and behaviour in an environment that you can’t control?

To anyone reading this post, please do whatever you can to increase awareness and care about the boy child. Not just about his education but life skills – principles, values, culture, responsibilities, maturity, respect, love and God, especially in the Kenyan context. Areas such as marriage are happening when people are much older because they are “living the high life” first. We are in a society that is simply losing the plot. Let us refuse to let our boys grow up to repeat our mistakes or become people whom we are ashamed of. Share and/or comment on this post if you also think we have forgotten about the boy child. “Nurture the boy child to become a responsible man”

 

Marriages Nowadays…oh dear!

Well, marriages nowadays seem to be like a dating game. When things are tough, it’s simply a case of “it’s not working, let get a divorce.” What happened to the bond between two people donkey years ago compared to marriages of recent years? Wasn’t that bond between two people unbreakable? What happened? Where did it all go wrong? What are these so-called irreconcilable differences? What happened to marriages built to last? Answer. Modern Society.

It is true that today’s world is a lot more complex than it was many years ago. But just because it became more complex, doesn’t mean our relationships and marriages have to become more complex to the state of being irreconcilable. If it is a complex problem, find a complex solution and that begins with the bond that brought two people together.  For now, let us focus on the marriages in Kenya.

It started with flirting, then dating, then wedding, then honeymoon, then life together then life “together and apart.”

Flirting season – This is the time for the “ooh I kinda like you.” And you make every effort to look and behave your best in the presence of your flirty friend.

Dating season – The flirty season continues but as you get to know each other, you get to see the true character of the person. This is test time because arguments can make or break you as a couple.

Marriage – Honeymoon months are fantastic until you really get to realise that you have new responsibilities and commitments. Life is good until you start getting “bored” of each other and start doing your own plans with friends and spending less time together. Drinking is also a major contributing factor to problems. A gap is created and a third wheeler comes in. Now, you’re truly tested on the survival of your marriage. Here you can find yourselves “together” because you’re married and “apart” because you’re not dealing with issues, avoiding each other through spending time with other people.

Before weddings take place in Kenya, there are several traditional ceremonies. Other pre-wedding events include bridal showers, hen nights, stag nights etc. Women have bridal showers where lady friends, family and elder women get together for a session to advice the bride on marriage. This is very important as it gives guidance on marriage expectations and how to deal with some situations from the perspective of different single and married women. This is good because your mother cannot tell you everything as you need different perspectives. We are mostly Christian, so there is biblical guidance as well. On the other hand, men do not have something similar or the sessions they have are not as guiding as those of women. It is no wonder that men fall apart or are main cause of marriage problems nowadays because they have never been given such guidance. Yes, there is a little guidance from their father and some uncles but the depth of the discussions is not as much as that of women. Men do not appreciate their women as much they do in older days. There are too many distractions that are keeping their eyes off their wife (and vice versa with some women) and people are not honouring their marriage vows.

In a society where marriage is losing its meaning, I beg men out there to seek guidance and give guidance to those getting married. Women, heed the advice given during your bridal showers. Having said this, there is only so much advice that you can take from them as the relationship/marriage is between two people. Follow your heart and use prayer. At the same time, people should not broadcast all their marriage problems to everyone as some people may take advantage of anyone who may be vulnerable.

Both men & women need to respect each other and the institution of marriage. It is the most important decision of anyone’s life so it must receive the respect it deserves. This starts with total honesty, friendship, encouragement and clear communication which all build trust and respect among two people. We should not allow external influences to break us – these could be in the form of friends, family, drinking or trends in modern society. It applies to relationships as well. Let’s think about how our actions have an impact on our relationships and marriages. Is it worth it? Is it worth hurting the person you love and yourself?